


DEGRADED

by Bngmebngtnstyle



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: F/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-14 14:26:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14137923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bngmebngtnstyle/pseuds/Bngmebngtnstyle
Summary: In hopes of getting rid of Kim Jongin for ruining your life further after your friends with benefits disaster and your violent meltdown, you finally get him to agree to leave you alone for good- WELL  give you some space…. you get a month of quiet. till one day he shows up at the same convenience store as you. from there he follows you home and fucks the shit out of you claiming you to be his again. Even with a girlfriend still on his arm your his play-toy again.Its all just a vicious never ending down spiraling cycle. He would never leave you alone. not until he calls it quits.what do you do when Kim Jongin won’t  leave you alone? degrading you until you disappear? welcome to degraded.





	1. chapter one | CORNERED

Seeing him was the definition of pain. You stood there paralyzed from the PTSD you were scarred with, came rushing back making you want to vomit on the roller coaster ride you was about to embark on. He noticed you instantly and his eyes were undetachable - unreadable, a bunch of hesitation in his movements, because you know he had to remember. He had to remember That you were done with his games. you only screamed it in his face a hundred times that one-day last month. That melt down you had. You called it the melt down month.

 

Because you couldn’t take it anymore you couldn’t take it from Kim Jongin anymore. He was always doing this thing with you. Making you a wreck and then fixing you to his liking only to tear down what he “fixed” it was like cat and mouse with him except he wasn’t really chasing you. He would and then he would let you run on your own with no intention in catching you. Making you look like the dumbass you were. The dumbass you knew you were about to be.

 

Now you didn’t even want anything at the convenience store you couldn’t take it any longer so you turned the other way, but wait there’s more, and he followed after you. There was always more when it came to Kim Jongin. It would be him if it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be him to keep ruining your life the way he has.

 

All the way to your house a clear ten-minute walk, no talking, him just following behind you like a lost dog. Because that’s what he was: a fucking dog. Plus, he didn’t belong here so he was a lost piece of shit. Why? because he was doing it again. Even after he agreed not to. Even after you screamed on the top of your lungs that you didn’t want anything to do with him again- here he was. A real live piece of shit.

 

You hesitated opening the door -your back to him. But when he was pressed up against you with “open it “breathed against your ear you couldn’t help it. You felt obligated to open it. You opened it and he grabbed you close to him your back against his chest as he walked you to your bedroom. you still haven’t looked at him since you seen him in the convenience store and you didn’t want to look at him. You didn’t want to be disgusted. 

 

That fucking degrading monster the one that used you the way he did, even when he said he would stop but it was hard when he lived in your area and upon seeing you it drove him insane for him to be close to you again. But why?

 

But he always chose the other girl, right?!

 

It just didn’t make any sense to you why he would be with someone else when he couldn’t stay away from you. He was always cheating on his girlfriend with you, even when he didn’t have a girlfriend he still came to you because his sex deprivation. 

 

It was old. it was getting real old yet you still let him do this to you. 

 

He pushed you down on the bed head first, you face smothered into the bed. He ripped your pants down aggressively and no one said anything and you still had not looked at him because you were guilty and emotional for not telling him off again, but you wanted it just as much and it made you disgusted to want to be treated like that. Because it was Kim Jongin. It was your fault as much as it was his truly.

 

Your ass was exposed and he ran his roughly manly hand across it before he violently smacked it. Your yelp into the mattress. He held his hand there as if to mask the pain letting his finger dangle to your woman hood and pressed it in. You instantly moaning.

 

With the other hand he unbuckled his pants and his cock sprang free he put his thickness against you and you squeezed your eyes shut anticipating the wait and then he shoved it in earning scream from you that not even the bed could mask.

 

If you could see his face you would know that his eyes rolled to back of his head after not being here in you for about a month. If you could see his face now as he fucked the shit out of you from behind like that you would know that he couldn’t take his eyes off you. He loved making you squirm for him and moan like that it was him that did that no other guy did this for you and that’s how he liked it.

 

He violently took it out on you, not being around you for a month took a toll on him, you knew because the way he was fucking you making it hurt so good. Something must have happened and you were there to ease the pain. Always. Even if you didn’t see him at the convenience store he would have probably showed up a few days later on your doorstep because simply Kim jongin didn’t go away no. he gave space but he wasn’t done until he wanted to be done no one could ever tell Kim jongin he wasn’t welcomed. And you knew that whatever argument you had with him was a waste of breath. Always.

 

He had both of his strong hands guiding you back and forth on his dick as hard as he could and that you could barely take but you bit down with pride and took it because when you relaxed a little and didn’t think about it it felt so fucking good. Pain mixed with pleasure.

 

Finally, he pulled out and grabbed you up to finally look at him. The moment of silence. He calmed for a second the monster in him calming and he caresses his face as he looked into your eyes you looked down and he motioned for you to look up. You grimaced under his stare, and he kissed you picking you up turning around and sitting on the bed with you on top of him he made out with you hungrily and he held you close to his body as close as possible. Like he didn’t want to lose you.

 

His man hood brushed against your aching mound and you wanted more you disgustingly wanted more. And he gave it to you when he realized you wanted it that you finally gave into him again making him smile. he slid in easily and help you rid him while sitting on the edge of the bed. 

He never stopped kissing you either he kept your lips hostage as he fucked you making you want to let go because you wanted to let go but you couldn’t completely let go because you still had to keep your guard up with him. Being with kai was dangerous. And you were damaged goods. 

 

It was almost like he was making love to his longtime girlfriend but you knew you were far from that. Just some ex best friend of his who he used friends with benefits with because you both had ruined your friendship a month ago when you had that meltdown you had catched feelings and he catched another girlfriend. But he kept coming back to you using you whenever he seen you or popped over. And it was a drag. And you were never going to get out. It was dragging you down deep into the dark. You weren’t the same and it made you depressed 

 

He moaned finally letting go of your mouth his hand swept over your asshole and it caused you to shiver while his thick cock fucked you. 

 

“Jongin, you moaned. And there it went. No man had ever made you cum but Kai they tried but you faked it every time but this man this handsome bastard of a man could. No wonder you were hooked on it. Why you let him do whatever to you because he had you by the pussy. 

 

“That’s good baby girl, hold on for me,” he growled in your ear both hands grabbing you to his body as he sat on the edge of the bed fucking you he put his head in the crook of your neck and you tangled your hands in his hard you could feel him deep down inside you and he swelled a little he was about to cum. 

 

“Fuck baby,” and with no condom, no protection, and without you taking any birth control he came inside you. You feeling it as it squirted out inside you. And even with the circumstances Jongin only had unprotected sex with you. the only thing you had on all those girlfriends of his but still you were the one losing.

 

And you didn’t know why.


	2. chapter two | MENTAL BREAK DOWN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a flashback chapter

ONE MONTH AGO >

 

“Just fucking get over the fact that all we do is fuck and you’ll feel the way that I do, which is amazing,” he smiled up at the ceiling, answering your question like he had lost his mind. You had asked him how he felt about you in spun off into a small argument. Him replying like that.

 

Who told a person that? What was the point of saying something like that to someone. Especially someone who was in love with you. How could you tell someone to not love you? To only accept the fact that you could only fuck them and nothing more.

 

You looked at him like he was stupid and you had to stop yourself from punching his lights out as he spoke to you like that. As if it was nothing- like you were nothing.

 

Basically Kim Jongin stated that you meant nothing,in so many words you were just another cunt who he sticked nothing more. pussy to him had no face and you were just another one of those. But he had some attachment to you because he kept coming back to you. He’s done this to no other girl unless he was dating you. And if you were dating him prepare to be cheated on because he was unfaithful like a motherfucker.

 

You blinked back tears as you tried to come up only to feel down about it. You just didn’t understand why and how he couldn’t catch feelings. You had sex over and over it didn’t make sense as to why he hadn’t felt anything for you yet. You both ruined your relationship and crossed a line- which you should have never done. Now it was beyond repair and what was done had been done.

 

“Whatever,” you said not wanting to talk about it anymore because every time you talked about it you felt a wrenching pain in the pit of your stomach- and you didn’t know what to do as you felt like dying.

 

You didn’t understand how he made you feel angry and happy at the same time. Every Time he gave you something he would ruin it by taking it away. Making you remember why you wanted to hate him instead of love him.

You had fallen in love with him and you had told him - but he just didn’t seem to care, like how your relationship was which was friends with benefits and nothing more.

 

“What why are you always getting mad? What did I do this time?” He said getting annoyed. “ you act like you are my girlfriend. We both agreed that this wouldn’t go beyond sex- and yet you keep breaking the rules” Jongin looked at you in annoyance and got off your bed and started to pull his boxes on searching for the rest of his clothes on the floor.

 

You watched him feeling a pain in your chest as he dismissed everything about you and how you felt. Your feelings didn’t matter to him. He didn’t care that you loved him.

 

He sighed not even sparing you a glance as he zipped up his jeans and turned his shirt inside right which was inside out and pulled it over his head smoothing the wrinkled out in the process.

 

“Don’t come back,” was all you barley manage to say and he paused looking at you his eye brows knitted together.

 

“What did you just say,” he said in a tone that was angry.

 

You gave him your undivided attention and looked him straight in the eyes, “ I said don’t come back,” he didn’t know how hard it was for you to say that. That every bone in your body felt broken and your soul felt like it was going to slip out between the cracks.

 

No, he didn’t know that your stomach was twisting and turning thinking about how you wouldn’t be able to see him if he really didn’t come back and that left you stressed.

 

What he didn’t know was that you were one strand away from losing all your senses your mind body and soul numb from all the pain and endurance you were hit with when he disrespected your heart, mind, body, and soul.

 

Just why couldn’t you be the one for him why couldn’t he love you. What did you mean to him exactly?

 

“Fine really if that’s what you want,” he began grabbing his things,“ but you know I won’t be gone for long, you’ll want me again even if I can’t give you everything you want,” he looked at you before exiting your bedroom.

“Were done when I say where done, so figure out exactly what your saying and come find me or I’ll find you,”

 

You got up your naked frame following him to the front door of your apartment. “I’m done!” You screamed, “ I can’t keep doing this shit with you,”

 

“Y/n …” he sighed. “You don’t know what your saying, your angry-”

 

“No,” and of course you began to cry. “I’m not some toy you can use when your nuts need to be emptied. You act like you don’t care about me at all but I bet if some other guy fucked me you would be pissed.”

 

“Go ahead fuck someone else I don’t care!” He laughed. You looked at him taken aback. How could he just-

 

That was like a stab to the heart kim Jongin had done it again. He had made you feel even lower than you already thought you could possibly feel. He really just didn’t care did he?

 

“FINE ILL CALL BAEKHYUN AND ILL LET HIM FUCK ME FROM NOW ON I DONT NEED YOU! OR HOW ABOUT CHANYEOL?!” You we’re now screaming on the top of your lungs and Kai was taken aback by your outbursts. You looked insane.

 

He became angry and started yelling back at you.“Y/N I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU FUCK ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS-”

 

You were in his face now. “BUT YOU SAID YOU DON’T CARE WHO I FUCK SO-”

He grabbed you to him and his eyes became darker from the anger pulsating threw him. “Your mine,” he hissed.

 

You would have thought that you would feel good about him claiming you but you had only felt worse.

 

You pushed him away from you, “NO I’M NOT YOUR FUCKING PROPERTY -IM NOT YOURS WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT! YOU DON’T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT ME!!!” You kept pushing him and pushing him and hitting his chest. Having a mental break down because kim Jongin couldn’t do one simple thing: He couldn’t love you. You were just a simple fuck for him. Pussy to pass time with and every time you thought about it it broke you down.

 

“I FUCKING HATE YOUUU!!!! You sobbed.

Jongin tried to hold onto while you broke down into his arms. His just staring at your broken frame. He held you to him trying to protect you from yourself. As you went insane over the whole situation. But what he really needed to protect you from was from him. Lucifer himself. He was evil, heartless- cold hearted.

 

The way you cried in front of him made him believe you would become sick afterwards.

"Why can’t you stop?! You cried. "I want it to stop,” you cried over and over. Hitting him and hitting him.

 

Jongin wasn’t for sure what exactly you were referring to- he was just so fucking oblivious. He was so into himself to care, he was so fucking blind. but he felt the need to tell you. “I’ll stop, shhhh, I won’t treat you like that anymore I’m sorry,” He kept repeating it but you didn’t believe him. You wouldn’t believe him. Not when you were degraded

To the point of no return.

 

-end of flash back-

 

You stood in the shower trying to wash kim Jongin off of you. You felt like shit after you relapsed. You scrubbed your skin until it felt red because you felt so dirty. You felt cheap and disgusting.

 

You let him have you again even after you told yourself you were done with him. But truth was you weren’t done. Even if you didn’t want to admit it he was right. You would come back to him. With angry open arms.

 

You dropped the puff with the soap on it and raked your hands through your hair letting the water drown every strand. The hot water opening your senses.

 

You began to cry while Jongin laid in your soiled bed fast asleep. So here you were again huh? Creating turmoil and despair. You knew how you would end up so why were you playing yourself again.

 

You tried to hold it in but you couldn’t your sobs became cries and it filled the bathroom walls. You held your mouth to silence yourself sliding down the tiled wall. It hurt. It hurt so bad. How would you ever be okay with him around.

 

“Baby,” the door door to the bathroom opened and you froze. You wiped your face as best as you could and you stood up abruptly.

 

Kai pulled back the curtain coming in behind you, “I missed you,” you didn’t say anything. You didn’t want your interior to break. He kissed your neck and ran his hands all over your body. Circling you in his arms.

 

“Your trapped, you’ll never leave me,” he smiled into the skin of your neck. “You’ll always be mine huh baby?” You squeezed your eyes shut. “No other guy can touch you and fuck you the way I can. You only cum for me okay,” he contributed to touch you like that leaving you breathless. Your mind forgetting how upset you were because of him was some dark magic he had on you.

 

He left no time and shoved himself into making you gasp out as he fucked you under the shower water the sounds of the water trapped between your body with every thrust he made into you.

 

He pushed you forward and drove deeper into you. Making you cry out as pleasure filed your whole system. His fingers dig into your hips as his pace fastened and you felt like cumming.

 

He grabbed your tits and squeezed then let go as he felt you slipping from him. You cried out for him. “Jongi-” you tried, but he kept hitting it in the right places.

His face was full of lust as he lost himself inside you. You always made him fell pure bliss and if he let himself he could fall for you. But he wouldn’t Jongin didn’t know what Love was. This was something you didn’t know. And something he didn’t know how to tell.

As much as he didn’t want to admit it he was addicted to you. Everything about you was so enticing. Your whole everything had him locked on you but again he would never admit that to you though.

You screamed as you kept getting closer the feeling of him thrusting in and out of you making you feel so good. Too good. Your cunt missed the way he felt inside of you and you hated that you felt that way. He would always have you by the pussy.

“Cum for me y/n,” he growled, and just like that you did. The sound of his voice getting you off like the cheap slut you were for him.


	3. chapter three | OH SEHUN

Jongin had left a little while ago. But he would be back. He always came back. He would never tell you when, it was always a surprise. But that surprise always kept you on your toes- he was always in the back of your mind making you feel restless. at times it was exhausting. 

 

This time- the time away from him would give you every opportunity to recollect what you done and scold yourself for the next few days until his arrival. You would nitpick every wrongful- sinful action you had done as you had let him back into your life. now here you were waiting around for him again. 

 

You would bash yourself until you cried yourself asleep, it turning into everything you were upset about lately. You would down spiral into nothingness, because you felt like nothing. He made you feel like nothing. As always. 

 

And then you would accept it. Accept that you deserved it. Accepting not to be loved. Understanding that it was okay when it wasn’t- that it wasn’t that bad as you thought it to be. but it was.. And you would continue willingly to let it happen- to let Jongin have his ways with you. You knew because you go through this every time- a repetitive way of thinking when he was all up inside your head making you crazy about him. him mind fucking you, the other kind of fucking he was capable of. 

 

“I’m so proud of you,” although you felt dead inside again you couldn’t show it. Especially to your best friend Hyorin. She was anti everything Jongin. 

 

You smiled a fake smile. In order for her not to suspect anything. 

 

“You finally manage to get away from him, he hasn’t contacted you right- or anything?” She said looking you deep in your soul. You looked deep into hers and lied straight to her face. something you had become accustom to doing when it came to Jongin. 

 

“No, thank god,” you lied. Your stomach turned and you were a millisecond from throwing up at the dinner table at her apartment. from nervousness. If she knew what had happen yesterday, she would go ballistic. She hated that dirty bastard. 

 

“Good because I’d beat your ass first, then his for thinking it was ever okay to fuck with you again. He wasn’t there to pick up the pieces when you fell apart I was, and even though you pretend your okay - I know your still not over him and that’s okay I know you loved him,” 

 

I love him. You thought. 

 

“But your relationship with him was toxic and I can’t just stand by and watch you fall apart anymore because of him. Y/n some guys are just like that you can’t change them no matter how hard you try and for that I’m so glad you’re not talking to him anymore plus I have a surprise for you” she eyed you before getting up to see your reaction and when you didn’t give her one and you stared blankly at her she got up. 

 

You started to get nervous, your heart beating fast as you watched her grab her phone from the living room that was next to the open kitchen of her apartment.   
She came back all giggles and smiles and you tried to fake one as you anticipated what kind of crazy idea she had up her sleeve. And it better not be- 

 

“I got you a man, he’s handsome, rich, tall, and not Jongin.” She Squealed. 

 

Your stomach pooled to the end of your rectum and you found yourself sweating so instantly like you had the shits. You watched as she flipped through her gallery in her phone to find the picture of this man she wanted to hook you up with. A man to replace Jongin. 

 

You eyed her you suddenly not wanting to eat anymore. She didn’t know what she was doing to you. She was going to pull a man into your life- who may or may not fall for you- and you couldn’t give him anything in return. Jongin would always be your main focus. He would have no room in your being. 

 

“Ah here,” she passed the phone across the table to you and You shakily grabbed it. you held your breath the whole time. He was beyond handsome- of course. But you felt nothing. No excitement or any anticipation as you stared into his eyes. “ so, what do you think?” She cut off your thoughts and your eyes ripped away from his. You passed the phone back and lied. 

 

“He’s really hot!” You said trying to be believable as possible. But that’s all you could say there was no interest there at all. Jongin had man every man unlikeable compare to him. No one was him and that’s what Hyorin loved the most any man was a good man if they weren’t Jongin 

 

“Good I know your type!” No, you don’t I like fucked up assholes who can’t love me. “ well his name is Oh Sehun, he works with me at the office. I’m his secretary,” wait this is the guy she always talked about. That CEO?!!! Now she sparked some interest. But not the kind she wanted. 

 

“Wait this is the rich guy that you cater too every day?” You said finally showing some interest. But not because you liked him but because she was always talking about how lonely and handsome he was. He was overly nice and that’s something most CEO’s never were. They were always dicks. 

 

“Yeah that’s the nice CEO I’m always talking about,” she giggled. Feeling glad that she got your attention. I showed him your picture and he was very interested. Something I’ve never seen from my handsome boss. You know I’ve been working with him for 5 years now. He trusts me I’m like his best friend now. We recently got close. Not in a romantic way- he is handsome but- we both agreed we don’t see each other that way. Plus, I’m dating Junmyeon.“ (Junmyeon was an heir to another rich company) 

 

You took all of what she said in and tried your best to flow with it. "That’s so crazy, he looks so young to be a CEO.” You said surprised by his looks.

She looked down kind of sad “Well he lost his dad five years ago- so at a young age he took over the company. It was his father’s last wishes. They didn’t want some stranger running the business while Sehun grew up. So, he kind of grew up fast, he’s more mature than your average asshole,” she said referring to Jongin. And you wanted to defend him. He was a good person, no one knew Jongin like you did. They just saw what they wanted to see. “ well, no pressure, but he wants to meet you.”

Your eyes about popped out of your sockets as she made that statement. What the fuck was he going to do with you? You didn’t know how to act around people. Let alone guys. Especially rich handsome guys who had a slight interest in you. Which you didn’t know why he did in the first place.

There was silence and you didn’t know what to say. What do you say? You didn’t want to meet him let alone get to know him. It would just be a waste of time. Mostly of his. He wouldn’t know what he was getting himself into as he would come to like you. He would expect you to be just as lonely as him, you were but only when you were alone. Which you weren’t. Jongin waltzed back into your life fucking it up for the handsome CEO. Maybe if he would have come sooner. 

Actually no. You still wouldn’t have tried. You were strictly for Jongin.

“I.. don’t know,” You adverted your eyes to your unfinished cold food. You nervously played with your sweaty hands under the table.

She gave you that look she always gave you when you were trying to wither away because of your shyness. “He’s nice, and he definitely isn’t Jongin.” There she went again insulting him again making you feel the need to defend him again.

You looked down and thought about it for a second. To make it seem like you were actually interested. Which you never were. But she would never know that. Then you looked up at her and grimaced.

“Okay I’ll try but if I’m not into it I don’t want to see him again,” which you won’t fall for him. So, you wouldn’t be seeing him again anyways.

“Okay!” She said getting happy you were trying. Then she turned serious. “ I just want to help I want to see someone love you not use you.” Your eyes prickled and you felt emotional. Maybe you should try?

It wouldn’t hurt right?

Let’s just see what this is about. Nothing more.

\-   
You stared at yourself in the vanity mirror and looked at the girl before you. She looked beautiful- all dolled up seeing a rich CEO who was very interested in her but how come she felt sad. Sad that this was a good thing- sad that she was going behind his back. Sad that she hated change, and she was definitely scared of a new man. All she knew was to be treated like shit instead of like a woman she was- well used to be.

You continued to stare at your beautiful reflection wanting to run away from her and crawl back into bed. But you couldn’t he would be here to pick you up at your apartment soon. Plus, Hyorin was here and she wouldn’t allow that. 

You had on a short black cocktail dress with black high heels. Your hair was curled down your back and your make up was on point. Your nails were done. And you felt out of place in your own body. Hyorin had bought you these things to make a good impression on her boss. But you just didn’t see yourself in these cloths. They felt way too expensive for your taste. 

“Okay last thing,” Hyorin had come from the bathroom to bring you the last finish touch of makeup she wanted to pack on you with. “This is called red devil,” she applied this dark red lipstick to your lips changing your whole look with one product. You looked in the mirror again and you felt even more unrecognizable. 

You looked too beautiful, you never tried- you had no confidence. The girl looking back at you looked like she had confidence. But inside her was you, a pathetic scared girl. 

Hyorin caught your doubtful look in the mirror behind you. “Don’t for one second think your unworthy of him y/n,” she turned you around put her hands on your shoulders. “ he will like you, he has too your too hot- way too hot. Plus, you’re a nice person which is one of the qualities he is looking for in a woman.”

I’m way too nice. 

You heard your door bell ring and you began to panic on the inside. You wanted to hide under the blankets in your room and never come out. 

Hyorin quickly grabbed your hand and led you down stairs. She sat you down on the couch and told you to, “breathe,” but how could you breathe when the coming events would change your life forever? Letting another man into this apartment? No, this was so unlike you. No other man had graced these boundaries. 

Your eye felt twitchy and you felt like backing out. Hyorin noticed and told you to calm down but you couldn’t, you felt like having a panic attack in front of the handsome rich young man. He was doing all kinds of shit to you without you yet having to meet him.

Fuck. You thought as you swallowed possible throw up that might have come up. Or maybe it was just spit who knows. Point was that you were a wreck and at any moment your body could shut down-

He walked in.

Thump thump. Thump thump.

It was all in slow motion.

He was tall.

Thump thump thump-

He towered over Hyorin.

God he was so handsomely tall. Jongin was tall but Sehun was taller.

Still everything was in slow motion and you felt like an idiot as you stared at him not saying anything. Looking like a creep.

Abort mission!!!!!!!!!!! breathing has decreased!!!!!!!!!

BREATH IDIOT.

He slightly looked at you and then greeted hyorin then the moment his eyes connected with yours your breathing stopped and you didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

You quickly stood up and looked up at him. He smiled at you his eyes twinkling. Something you never seen in a man. Jongin eyes didn’t twinkle they were just dark and empty. And loveless.

You bowed to him and he did the same he grabbed your hand and kissed it and hyorin watched on the sidelines like a cheerleader. Smiling like a complete idiot.

He let it go. The warmth that you felt disappearing. Why was there warmth? 

“Shall we?” He motioned to the door. At this point you were sweating buckets and you wouldn’t be surprised if your makeup was dripping. 

You nodded your head and Hyorin smiled like an idiot.

“Text me if you need anything,” and with that you exited your apartment Hyorin shutting the door behind you both.

Leading you to the parking lot, Sehun unlocked his car. It was a fancy sports car. You didn’t know the name but it look exclusively expensive. 

He opened the door for you and you were met with the smell of leather. The interior of the car out of this world. 

He walked around the car getting in himself as he shut the passenger door and you watched him. He got in pushed it to start out his seat belt in then looked at you. 

He smiled and you tried to- you hoped you didn’t look like a troll. 

“I’ve made reservations for the both of us I hope you’re hungry.” Again his eyes kept captivating you something about them was drawing you into him. His face was magnificent and he smelled like Versace. 

How was this man alone? And why did he have interest in you of all people. You weren’t even that special or good looking. You felt average. He was rich handsome and a CEO you were pretty sure he had girls falling at his feet-

“Yeah, I’m hungry,” you lied even though you wanted to throw up. Your anxiety drowning you.

He smiled and pulled off. The smile was heart papillating. Why did he smile like that? He needed to stop! This was a large amount of fucker you had here. And in the back of your mind you couldn’t help but think Oh, Sehun sucked you in and there was no going back. He entered your world. And now you were about to enter his. Too late. 

All you had to do was stick to the plan.

The ‘never let another man in’ plan.


	4. EXPOSED 04

You would be lying if you said it was going great. This date. Oh Sehun. Your nerves. It was a disaster. You knew you shouldn’t have agreed to it. You felt so out of place it wasn’t even funny.

It was because you didn’t know how to act. What to do. What to say. Having another man be around you had never happened before. You were all just a big pile of goo right now- and it was like oh Sehun was on this date alone.  You weren’t putting any input  and you were only speaking when being spoken too and you could tell in his face that he screwed up.  that maybe he was having second thoughts as well. You weren’t even trying.

And you didn’t feel bad for it. 

No, not one bit.

Maybe now he would tell Hyorin he wanted nothing to do with you. Maybe then you wouldn’t have to fuck this up on purpose to have a good excuse.  not that you were doing that now you were doing that naturally all by yourself. but you would if you had to.

Sehun looked at you and tried to smile but it didn’t reach his eyes. He picked up his fork and continued to eat and it was awkward silence with only slight murmurs around you and piano music as background noise in this exclusive French restaurant. 

You wondered what he was thinking then another apart of you didn’t even give a shit. You just wanted it to be over. Ugh the things Hyroin gets you into.

He continued to steal glances from you and then he finally said,“ Are you alright?”

You locked eyes with him and decided on what you wanted to say. Should you lie or tell the truth? “ I’m fine.” You lied. You nervously picked at your food and listened to your surroundings to pass some time away. You could feel sehun staring at you and that made you make no attempts to look back up.

You started to count in your head to calm yourself but it seemed to be of no use. You felt triggered this whole date was triggering your anxiety and your paranoia of Kai finding out made you on edge.

But still Sehun tried, even if this date kept rolling down the hill. “ What’s your favorite food?” He was making small talk in the light of the bad tension in between you two. 

You dared to look up and got sucked into his sparkling eyes that you had seemed to notice at your apartment. Looking at him was dangerous and you hated to admit it. He had this thing about him that drew you to him and you wanted nothing to resist the pull.

“I-I like rice,” you stuttered stupidly embarrassing yourself in front of him.

What the fuck?

“I like rice too,” he smiled.“ But what do you like to eat like a main dish not a side dish,” he said looking at you, amused. 

You thought about something that you liked to eat a lot and from what you could pull out of your ass was kais favorite food, “ I really like fried chicken I eat it a lot.” You shyly looked at him. “what about you what do you like to eat?” 

“well, I love everything, anything that has meet, but to be more specific I would have to say I like to eat sushi.”

“ew I hate sushi,” you scrunched you nose. He chuckled.

“ Well not everyone likes the idea of sushi.” He said.

Again, the mood calmed down and no one was really saying anything anymore. And you didn’t want to even try to initiate into the conversation making process. 

Again, Sehun was staring at you and you knew he was going to ask you something that you probably did even want to answer. You were bored- you were sick of small talk. You just wanted to go home. You hated you self for it, but it was true. No matter how handsome this man was- you couldn’t bring yourself to stomach the fact that you could possible date him. you just could see yourself dating him. Hyorin really wanted you like him, but no matter how much you tried he wasn’t Kai.

Sehun could feel this date was going nowhere and he was embarrassed about it. He didn’t know how to be around woman and he felt like an idiot when it came to them. He worked so much most of his life he never had time for woman. His life was focus solely on the company after his father died and nothing ever since.

He knew about you though, he knew you had been hurt and he wanted to let you know that he wouldn’t hurt you- but would that cross the line? Would you get mad? He didn’t want you mad at him. That wouldn’t really be good to have a bad first impression.

It was sad really how hurt you looked you looked so fragile and all he wanted to do was hold you. It was too son but he wanted to. If you would let him he would. He felt like he could fix you. Maybe even fix himself if you would help. Sehun had a past too he had got hurt once and that’s why he was her now. Hyorin wasn’t only bugging you about a love life. Hyorin knew everything about him and he hoped that one day you could too know as well.

He wanted to know more about you too but you wouldn’t budge. You really seemed annoyed by him and his questions. He knew that after this he would never see you again. You just didn’t like him. And he could sense that. He didn’t know why? But it was hard for him to accept that. But still he wanted to keep trying to hopefully get you to try and like him a little. 

It was kind of a word vomit to keep the conversation going but he threw up, “look I know that you’ve been hurt, I promise I won’t do the same.” And it hung in the air like that. Right above your head in big bold letters.

#hurt

#promise

Flashing in big capital letters.

Your eyes went wide and you felt stunned! That was the last thing you thought he would say. And what did he mean he knew? He knew what? He doesn’t know anything! An-and fucking Hyorin!!!!!! What did she exactly say about you to him? You knew they were close- but she was closer to you! she wouldn’t do That would she? She wouldn’t blow your shit out the water and tell a handsome man like him that you were a used cheap slut?!!!! 

Correct translation: A DUMB ASS BITCH.

You internally gasped.

Nooooooooooooooooo- 

Your   breathing increased 1000% and you felt like you couldn’t breathe by how rapid it felt. You were breathing to fast, you felt too stunned by his words. It was too close for comfort. Your pulse was out of control and you were seeing stars.  your face felt hot.

Even after all that panicking in your head you still managed out a cool calm and collect, “I’m fine, now…” And smiled.

Which you weren’t but you tried to make it as believable as possible. 

He sat his fork down and gave you a look and cocked his head to the side. “Listen, y/n I can see right through you. I can see it in your eyes even when you try to smile. It’s effecting you drastically.”

Your fake smile faded and you felt attacked. You felt like shit. Someone could finally see through your bullshit “apparently”- and you weren’t fooling anyone. You hated that he could see through your façade so easily. But why? How?

And you just stared at him. You didn’t know what to say. You had nothing to fucking say to that. And for once you felt naked. Exposed. Sehun was looking right at you. He was exposing you. all of you. You felt naked in front of him even though you weren’t.  It didn’t feel right. It felt wrong.

He cut a piece of his stake and put it in his mouth as you watched him with alerted eyes. He knew that he had stunned you and that made you feel that he had the upper hand. You were going to shut up and let him speak you wanted to know what he had to say. And how he would say it. 

He finally looked up again at you through his eyelashes. “I’m not going to lie when I first saw you- when Hyorin show me a pic of you I know I had to have you. You were beautiful - and when I met you just now I knew I wanted to have you even more. "But then,” he cocked his head to the side, “I could tell that you were hurt. Your smile struggled to connect with your eyes and your body language told me that you’re not into me. But how is that when I’m handsome, rich, and respectful? Well miss y/n that only left me with two things; number one: you’ve been hurt before.” He paused to see your reaction before he continued. “ number two: you have a man..” He paused again and left you with that. “and you don’t have a man so I suspect the latter.”

This man really had you figured out. He was expectational in his first impressions and yet you had no clue how to read him. He seemed blocked off and distant. But he could read you so easily.  why?

“ Your an open book, you can fool Hyorin but not me,”

I can fool you enough. You though when jongin piped in your head.

“Well your wrong.” you spat

“Oh no, but I’m right.” He added.

You quickly drunk your wine and you downed it. Him eyeing you with his hands clasped together in front of him, his elbow on the table. 

“From now on, I’ll see you, from now on let me heal you.”

Heal you? You were broken beyond repair this wasn’t an auto body shop you could put another part in and make you work again.  He wasn’t a mechanic. ( A/n: get your mind out the gutter)

Your stomach churned and you didn’t know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Hyorin didn’t warn you how straight forward he was and it was kind of  scary. It was scary to think of someone trying to fix you. Did you want to be fixed? Did you want Someone to try and fix what someone else broke?

Nah, you didn’t want that. It wasn’t his job. You could try and fix it your self. You didn’t need him trying to get involved complicating things more. 

And then there was Jongin. 

Where would he fit into all of this? Where was he going to stand? He was still going to come around- and what if he showed up and Sehun was there? how would you explain that to him? to Sehun? Who still believes you have no one. 

But you did. You had Kim Jongin.

His dynamic would change and you would feel bad. But why would you feel bad? You said you didn’t care what anyone thought of you?

If so, why didn’t Hyorin know. 

Whatever. Point was this was crazy he was crazy to think that you were just going to give in and accept it. You weren’t going to accept it. 

“Look-” you finally spoke. “I don’t need anyone trying to fix me, I’m fine.”

His eyes boarded into yours and you tried not to get intimidated by him. He was so intimidating. Would Kai feel the same? 

But they would never know of each other!

“Who said it was your choice?” He replied.

You drew your head back yet again getting hit with his bluntness and straight forwardness this man was really into you. Like reallllly into you. 

“This is crazy,” you said putting your silverware down it making a clank on the table. You shook your head and looked down. 

“Crazy? What’s crazy? Any woman would love for a man to cater to her every need to fix her-

"I’m not every woman!” you spat

You both stared at each other none of the other backing down. He was insane to think of such things to think you wanted to be a charity case. Just because he was the rich and handsome CEO of OH Enterprises didn’t mean he was going to have you wrapped around his finger as well. 

“Hyorin said I would have a hard time with you," 

One of your eyebrows raised, "oh really and what else did Hyorin say,” you said challenging him. 

He sighed and sat back in his seat taking the clothed napkin off his lap and patted it in the table. 

“A lot of things,” he said. His eyes boarded into yours and you felt sucked in. You tried to hold on but it was of no use. “ she told me not to hurt you because your already hurt.” He never broke eye contact and you felt the need to blink but couldn’t because you didn’t want to miss any second of this.

“And-” you added

“And that the guy that hurt you used you and you never have been the same since.” You turned cold. Why would she do that! Why would she tell him that? You knew it! Fucking JUDAS! You felt angry and upset with her even if it was the truth. I guess you did care what he thought. Because you felt so small in front of him. If they were really as close as Hyroin says there are, she had to tell him everything.

She really is fucking Judas.

“And?” Your voice cracked.

“And that he wouldn’t love you, he couldn’t, because you were just a toy and he was just an average asshole,” average asshole huh? Such a Hyroin thing to say. 

You couldn’t deny anymore, he was telling the truth. He wasn’t lying. She told him. She told him everything. These were the exact words from Hyorin’s ‘Judas like’ mouth. 

Okay so she wanted you to start over but how could you wipe a clean slate with a dirty towel? How could she tell him everything you didn’t want him to know? You barely considered this date before and you definitely didn’t want it now. You couldn’t try and be with someone who knew the pain that hurt the most. Kim Jongin belonged in the world of just you and him no one needed to enter and change it. Oh Sehun wasn’t allowed to change it and lee Hyorin wasn’t allowed to tell the story of it.

By now your eyes rimmed red and you lost your appetite. Your hands sweated nervously in your lap and you looked down. You felt exposed as the worlds dumbest bitch. 

“Let’s leave,” you said in a quiet tone. You were done- this night had to end while you still had the tears in the back of your eyes..

Sehun took a look at you and seen what he done he tore your walls down and he had you cornered now all all he had to do was sit and wait while you ran into his arms. No matter how long it took.


End file.
